Prompt: Invent a word.

by | Jun 29, 2020 | 15 minute writing sessions | 2 comments

“Enter the Chamber.” the large voice charged. Sarah took a deep breath and straightened her spine. She had known this day was coming, but now that it was here, it felt surreal.

She grabbed the hefty door handle. It was ice cold. She began to pull but the door slowly swung open on its own. The chamber was pitch dark, except for the single spotlight in the center of the room. She took a few steps forward, but paused as she heard the huge door swinging closed. There was a soft hiss as it sealed which echoed throughout the chamber.

The room was frigid. She could probably see her breath if only there was enough light.

“Please step into the Lumecriton.” said the voice. Sarah made her way toward the light. Her head began filling with doubt even though everyone had told her she had nothing to worry about. Her entire family, including distant cousins, had made it through The Judgement. “We have solid DNA.” her Mom would always say. But what if she was somehow different.

As soon as she stepped into the light she felt its warmth on her face, much like the sun.

“Sarah Dunn” boomed the voice. “You are here today to seek Judgement.”

‘Seek?’ As if she had a choice.

“We are well aware of your family’s performance, but it will not be relevant here. You are to stand in Judgement, alone.”

‘Let’s just do this thing already.’ she thought.

2 Comments

  1. Dawn Lowe

    Okay, so I’ll preface this with saying I’m no writing expert, but I did do a ton of writing back in the day and I’ve read a ton. Your paragraph where Sarah enters the door. You mention the door handle is hefty, which clues us in the door is large.

    Then later in the passage, it mentions the huge door swinging shut behind her. Because the hefty door handle already tells us the door is large, telling us again makes it sound slightly redundant. The second place might be a good opportunity to use a different descriptor for the door, color, texture, was it metallic, etc.

    Redundancy is a mistake I make a lot and find myself correcting a lot when I write so I tend to look for it.

    Just my two cents 🙂

    Otherwise I quite liked it.

    Reply
    • Nica

      Very good point. That’s something I wouldn’t have even thought about. Thank you! I kind of got stuck with this story but I really liked how it began so when I revisit it I’ll definitely make that change. 🙂

      Reply

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